Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
