JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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