I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
