Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
