HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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