he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
