I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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