Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
