yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
