I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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