it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
