I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Randomize
