New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
