I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
