Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
