im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize