Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
