i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
