can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
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