how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
