I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
