He passed out mid-signature
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
