White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
