i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
