Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
