My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
