There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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