At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
