We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
