The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize