Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You need Xanax blowdarts
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
