i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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