The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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