Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
