Do you still have your period?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
