So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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