I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
