i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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