i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
