True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
