Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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