so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
