Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
