omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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