i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
