if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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