i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
