Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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