Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
