I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
