You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Randomize
