what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Randomize
