I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
