I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
