So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
