you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
