I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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