Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
