Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize