I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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