After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize