So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
