they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Randomize
