I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
