yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
