Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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