Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
