I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
