What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I need to stop coming to work sober
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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