ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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