i just google imaged poop.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
