I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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