i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
