i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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