wakey wakey hands off snakey
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
